


fill my heart with emptiness

by symbiont



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol, Feelings, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Multi, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:02:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26221585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/symbiont/pseuds/symbiont
Summary: Wraith can’t even explain it herself, except that she’s felt some kind of connection, a kinship, between them ever since she’d seen the look on his face as he’d stared at Elliott on the dropship. Out of everyone, Crypto was the one who’d understand these feelings that she carried around with her like a stone.**Or, Wraith and Crypto bond over their shared crush on Mirage.
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt/Wraith | Renee Blasey, Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	fill my heart with emptiness

As much as Wraith tries to tell herself that it hadn’t been love at first sight, she knows deep down that it’s only a lie to protect herself. That’s all she’s ever done, after all, or at least this version of herself - the one who had awoken in the IMC detention facility, fresh and young as a newborn fawn, into a world that consisted of four walls, voices and pain. 

She’d never wanted to become like the Voidwalker, hardened and callous, and yet everyday the pain of living seemed too great and she’d felt herself petrifying, a shell forming around her heart, until Wraith had worried that she might really turn to stone. 

These feelings are a burden and one that Wraith is unwilling to carry. She already has enough to think about and it’s not as if Elliott returns her feelings. He flirts with everyone and Wraith isn’t stupid enough to think that she means anything to him, beyond their friendship anyway. Wraith is glad to have it and would never push him for anything more. It hurts still, a dull ache in her chest like she’s been in the void for too long, to think about having a normal life with him, settling down one day in a house filled with warmth and laughter and enough candles to chance away both of their darkness.

But there’s always a choice and this is the path she’s chosen, one that she cannot drag Elliott down as well.

* * *

‘Witt, how’d ya manage this?’ Ajay says, sounding half amused and half exasperated. Wraith curls further in on herself, pressing her head against the cool metal of the wall. Her pulse is still thrumming in her veins from the match, the voices of the other Wraith’s buzzing around her skull like a swarm of bees. It was always worse after shifting into the void, as if that connection opened up the floodgates which she had learnt tightly sealed.

‘It worked for Captain Kirk,’ Elliott grumbles in reply, hardly audible over the distant rumble of the dropships engine. But Wraith glances up at that, mostly out of annoyance at Elliott’s usual unnecessary chattering that so perfectly managed to get under her skin, freezing as soon as she sees what Ajay and Elliott are talking about.

Somehow she’d not noticed in the final battle, her squad whittled back to just her and Wattson as the new guy they’d been stuck with had gone down before round 3, that the top half of Elliott’s jumpsuit had been torn away. It hangs in tatters at his sides as he sits on the narrow beneath, Ajay kneeling in front of him as she applies some kind of ointment to the ugly red burn that twists across Elliott’s shoulder and disappears down his back.

_ Did I do that? _ Wraith wonders, her pulse roaring in her ears, trying to remember the shots she’d taken at the other squad as the ring had closed in around them. Most of the other competitors are gathered at the other end of the dropship and Wraith is hit by how this feels far too private, too intimate the weight of it crushing in on her from all sides. 

Elliott’s skin looks as warm as the sun and Wraith finds that she can’t look away, her gaze travelling across every inch of it that she hasn’t seen before as if Elliott’s body is a map. She had, of course, known the shape of his shoulders before - the wide-breadth of them - but it’s different now, seeing his muscles shifting beneath his skin. His chest is strong and his nipples dusky, just a little perky no doubt from the chill of the air. Her gaze slides further down, drawn by some unknown force, to Elliott’s belly that looks strong and just a little soft, smattered with a few dark hairs that disappear beneath the lower half of his jumpsuit which thankfully remains intact. Then across to his arms, more criss crossed with fading and fresh scars like tiny constellations, than the rest of him - as if Elliott raised them a lot to protect himself from oncoming attacks in the Arena.

Wraith’s heart feels so strange, so tight and full of emotion that it’s like a weight in her chest, she can hardly breathe with it. Elliott is beautiful and Wraith sighs softly to herself. He’d never let her forget it if he knew she thought that and yet sometimes Wraith saw such darkness in him, such sadness and vulnerability, as if despite his ego Elliott didn’t think he was beautiful. As if he thought he was nothing special. And that prickles something protective and possessive inside of her, and Wraith can’t help but want to tell him.

_ You are beautiful. You are loved, Elliott Witt. _

Wraith glances away, feeling guilty but in doing so, she notices that someone else is watching Elliott too. 

Wraith can’t forget the first time Crypto caught sight of her on the dropship, had stared at her wide-eyed as if he’d seen a ghost - the most emotion she’s seen him show at all. Wraith had shivered, having an idea of who he might be thinking of. She should have considered what this could mean, what exactly Crypto would want with the Voidwalker, but the thought felt like a spectre, dark and looming, and so she did her very best not to think about it at all.

As if feeling her gaze, Crypto looks up and their eyes meet for a seering moment before Crypto blinks and looks away. Wraith isn’t sure if she’s just seeing things or if there is a faint blush painting Crypto’s cheeks and disappearing beneath the metal of his jaw piece. Ah...

_ Interesting.  _ Maybe she isn’t so lonely in her useless feelings after all. 

* * *

‘You too, huh?’ Wraith asks, folding her arms across her chest. She settles next to Crypto, leaning back awkwardly against the wall in a mirror of his pose, staring out across the dining hall at where Elliott, Octavio, Pathfinder and Ajay are deep in conversation. 

‘What…,’ Crypto blinks at her for a moment before his expression closes off, like shutters snapping closed across a window. ‘No,’ he adds more firmly, his voice cold, even as his gaze darts back over to where Elliott is sitting. To his credit, he doesn’t blush this time though. 

‘It’s alright, I understand,’ Wraith says, her tongue heavy in her mouth. She feels stupid, awkward - making conversation has never been her strong suit and yet here she is, trying to talk to the only other Legend who is as detatched and untalkative as she is and more.

For while she lets the others talk at her, listening silently as the conversation washes over her, she still considers each and every one of them friends. Except maybe Caustic but he’s… Caustic. Crypto, however, keeps strictly to himself, his posture and expressions so closed off and stiff as if he’s afraid to let anything slip through the cracks. He is an island in the middle of the ocean, remote and untouchable.

And yet, here she is trying to strike up a conversation with him.

Wraith can’t even explain it herself, except that she’s felt some kind of connection, a kinship, between them ever since she’d seen the look on his face as he’d stared at Elliott on the dropship. Out of everyone, Crypto was the one who’d understand these feelings that she carried around with her like a stone. 

‘I wouldn’t tell him,’ Wraith says. Across the room, Elliott is laughing at something that Octavio had said, his hand clasped across Octavio’s shoulder and his head thrown back as his whole body seemed to shake with happiness and sunshine. ‘I just… it felt good to know that someone understands. And I thought,’ she bites her lip, feeling as though she’s walking along a dangerous path that could crumble beneath her feet at any time. ‘ _ Maybe _ , you would feel that way too.’ 

Wraith settles back against the wall again once she’s finished speaking, glancing away towards the other groups of Legends - Anita, Makoa and Bloodhound sat in a group, their heads close together as if speaking privately with each other, Caustic and Natalie sat across from each other, Natalie chattering loudly and a mile-a-minute as she finished up a stack of potatoes and roasted veggies. Wraith narrows her eyes at the latter. Certainly, Caustic seemed to take great care with Natalie and Natalie seemed to benefit from having a fatherly figure, but still Caustic’s intentions could never be trusted and Wraith vows to keep a close eye on the two of them.

Still, even this is only a temporary distraction and she’s painfully aware of the loaded silence that now hangs between her and Crypto. It stretches on for so long that Wraith’s back is starting to hurt and she’s convinced herself that Crypto isn’t going to answer her and that she’s ruined any chance of making a connection with him.

‘A dead man overthinks,’ Crypto says quietly, dragging Wraith out of her thoughts in surprise. ‘I do not need anything he can give me. I just need to survive.’ 

‘You deserve happiness too,’ Wraith replies after a moment to consider her words. ‘But I know that it’s hard to think like that. To convince yourself that you’re worthwhile.’

‘I can’t think like that. I can’t deviate from my path, I-...,’ Crypto’s voice gets more and more agitated with every word until he trails off. When Wraith glances over at him his normally impassive face is creased with a grimace. ‘It doesn’t matter. Elliott isn’t interested in me anyway.’

‘You don’t know that!’ Wraith counters, a sudden burst of emotion overtaking her like a firework lighting in her chest. ‘I can help you if… if that’s what you want.’

‘And yet you think the same of yourself?’ Crypto says, glancing towards her. ‘You think that he doesn’t care for you. That he never could. That you would never be good enough for him.’

Wraith feels her mouth fall open in shock, gaping at Crypto for a few moments as she tries to process what he’d just said.  _ How… how had he known so easily? _

‘He deserves someone who knows who they are,’ Wraith says, coldly. Everytime she thinks about that part of herself, that strange shapeless nothingness that is Renee Blasey of who she has no memory, it’s as if Wraith shuts down. It’s too painful to think about, to feel as if she is being pulled in two separate directions, one which she cannot even remember. 

‘Hmph.’ Crypto snorts before stalking out of the room. 


End file.
